Kindergarten

She started school this morning, 

and she seemed so very small. 

As I walked there beside her 

in the Kindergarten hall. 

And as she took her place beside the others in the class, 

I realized how all too soon 

those first few years can pass. 

Remembering, I saw her as 

she first learned how to walk. 

The words that we alone made out 

when she began to talk. 

This little girl so much absorbed 

in learning how to write. 

It seems as though she must have grown 

to girlhood overnight.

My eyes were blurred but hastily 

I brushed the tears away

Lest by some word or sign of mine

I spoil her first big day. 

Oh how I longed to stay with her 

and keep her by the hand 

to lead her through the places 

that she couldn't understand. 

And something closely kin to fear 

was mingled with my pride. 

I knew she would no longer be 

a baby by my side. 

But she must have her chance to live, 

to work her problems out, 

the privilege to grow and learn 

what life is all about. 

And I must share my little girl 

with friends and work and play; 

She's not a baby anymore -- 

She's in Kindergarten today.

This poem was shared with us by Emma's teacher, on the first day of school.  On that day, it seemed sweet, but not did not quite resonate.  Because, we WERE ready.  We have BEEN ready for her to embark in this new journey, or so we thought.  SHE is ready.  But today, 3 weeks later, it is resonating.  Kindergarten adjustment has been hard.  Harder than I anticipated.  It is NOT easy to let your baby go, and mingle with all of these new people, these new influences.  I know it is part of the process, it has to happen ... but I want it to slow down, just a bit ... 

Don't get me wrong, there have been far more good, some GREAT, moments since Emma's started Kindergarten.  She is already scanning words, reading picture books, spelling her colors. BIG steps in 3 weeks.  She is happy, she is loving it ... but as her Mom, I am struggling with all of the new adjustments that come with her getting to know 19 new friends.  And not knowing the "play to play" of each hour is not easy to swallow for this Momma.  We are taking in step by step, each night I "debrief" with Rob and he employs his rational approach, explaining why it is ok for Emma to make mistakes and I just have to keep calm ... and each new experience is a learning moment and we are invested in our children ... and it will all work out ... He's so good at staying rational!

But why does it still feel so hard?

I thought I was ready ... but even though she's in Kindergarten, she's still my baby.  So, yes, Kindergarten is awesome ... and I'm hoping to believe that soon :)